Well, at least the new Turtles movie is better than Transformers 4…
New York city is experiencing a huge crime wave thanks to the Foot Clan – a paramilitary group that’s going around and stealing a lot of expensive scientific equipment and supplies. It’s up to April O’Neil to find out what their master plan is so she can finally become the respected journalist she longs to be! While doing so she just happens to stumble upon four mutant reptiles who are trying to stop the Foot.
- The Turtles characters are, for the most part, intact (although sometimes they do certain things and I had to ask myself “Was that really necessary?”)
- Cool action sequences
- Short enough that you’re willing to forgive some of it’s many, many, flaws
- It’s actually pretty funny in places
- The new design of the Turtles is actually fine when you see it in the movie
- I actually had no issues with the fact that Mikey had the hots for April because it’s usually funny (and for some reason people have an issue with this)
- Megan Fox as April O’Neil (you don’t exactly take her too seriously, but she’s no detriment to the movie)
- Will Arnett as Vern, her camera guy (there were a lot of complaints about how awkward Vern is in this film, and while Will Arnett’s not very funny in the film, it’s not that bad)
- They borrow a enough elements in final action scene from a series of Turtles comics I have called “Year of the Turtle” that at least makes me think someone did their research
- Splinter is… I’m not quite sure… I can see how they were trying to do a slightly different thing with his character, but they never really give him enough time on screen for us to grow to like him
- The Turtles aren’t very ninja-like, but I’m not entirely averse to having parts of them being bullet proof since they’re mutants
- Mecha-shredder! His design is pretty terrible
- The Foot – why did this needed to be changed from the comics?
- Shredder’s motivation is basically non-existant
- Splinter’s new design – what the hell
- The story… holy shit did they fuck that up…
- The story also tries to tie too many characters together because that’s what we’re doing in Hollywood these days
- The movie needed a few more moments where it slows down and lets us relax and laugh with the Turtles
- Not enough time with the Turtles, especially considering some of the “core” themes the film is trying to get across in the ending
- Michael Bay keeps on making these movies that make a ton of money but are terribly written… give me half of what you give Michael Bay to work with and I promise you I will make a movie that makes just as much money and will actually be good
So like I said earlier, I went into this film expecting a movie that was as terrible as Transformers 4. Thankfully it’s not. At very least there are glimmers of hope. Unfortunately, glimmers of hope do not make a good movie. The Turtles is, at best, a missed opportunity, and that’s all it will ever be. Only recommended for hardcore fans and kids who are completely new to the franchise because it’s a very, very mediocre film.